Ruthless Rhymes

Ruthless Rhymes

On Friendship

I tend to like my friends alive

For though the dead ones are no trouble

When I think how I had to strive

To kill them, it’s incredibubble.

On Marriage(s)

I hope you know I only jest

For I would never take the life

Of any friend from worst to best

Now on the other hand, a wife...

It’s true I’ve only had the nine

And that they were unlucky all

The crashing car, the poisoned wine,

That unseen bear-trap in the hall.

The puffer-fish that some how got

Into the celebration flan,

The creature that time had forgot

(Not meant, now, to be known by man)

Who knew it would become enraged?

I should have locked the time machine,

Or kept the safety bar engaged

Upon the Upper Pleistocene.

Then, many thought, I should have guessed

The need for entertaining fare

When Dracula, comes as a guest

It’s always for the host to share.

And number seven, (hair of red)

Started out lucky, but no more

For though the Tiger was well fed

She should have picked the Other Door.

Eight and Nine, were practically

One and the same, well being twins,

I draw no line exactically

Where one ends or where one begins.

They’re both dead now.  The balloon burst,

The zeppelin also caught alight,

 I sometimes think I have been cursed

That things just never turn out right.

But still, I hear you’re single now

How many husbands dead? A Dozen?

I’d marry you with hopeful vow

Oh wait, no Damn! I am your cousin.

On Chocolate

I kept lying there thinking, what had I done.

And where was the body, and who hid the gun,

But these are the things that you’re bound to regret

When far too much chocolate meets Russian roulette.